Every Once in A While

Every once in a while,
I would feel tired and want to run away from everything, going to an island that no one can find me.
Every once in a while,
I would doubt myself, and feel sorry for myself that I could not do well in my class.
Every once in a while,
I would ask myself why, why choose the path that makes me suffer so much.
Every once in a while,
I want to cry out, leave everything behind, and disappear in the woods or nowhere.
Since I started studying English, I felt like that I've been more depressed than before.
I'm not saying that I don't like it, but it makes me tired.
I'm so tired of reading the numerous pages in the language that I was not born with,
I'm so tired of catching up with others who have the privilege that I need to live here,
I'm so tired of maintaining a good grade,
I'm so tired of trying to be excellent,
I''m so tired of everything,
I'm so tired...
I feel like being caught by something.
I know the struggle is always there, no matter four years, eight years, ten years, or longer,
of living in a second life.
Every once in a while, I ask myself. Why you choose this path? Why you study here? Why...?
I don't know what I was thinking when I made the choice.
What I know is that
It makes me happy,
It brings me light when I feel lost,
It makes me feel that something in my heart is growing,
I can feel the sparks, the passion that it brings to me.
But, the struggle is always there.
It also brings me pains along with the joy
Which makes me feel depressed and doubt myself every once in a while.
Every once in a while,
I want to talk to someone about my struggle,
but no one could understand.
This is what life looks like.
I think I should figure it out on my own.