Between Words and Between Worlds (Part III)

•••

Early morning, Dian rushed to the front door from stairs. “Steve, I’m going to that interview. Don’t forget to clean the kitchen.”

“I won’t. Oh, dad called when you talking shower. He wanted me to tell you that your papers are really helpful. And it seems that they couldn’t wait to meet you again. I wondered if I really am their son. Why they love you so much?!”

“I’m smarter. Bye.” Dian waved her hand and disappeared.

Last month, the View magazine called Dian for an interview. Since Dian’s new book was named as the bestseller, callings keep coming. So she has to run in and out of different places every day.   

Stephanie welcomed Dian at the View’s office. She’s the one going to interview Dian today. “Hello, Dian. Thank you for your time to take our interview.” Ms. Stephanie  

“It’s my pleasure.”

“How do you feel, publishing your first book?”

“It’s wonderful, just like a dream. I didn’t expect that so many people like it.”

“It’s a good book. I like it. I like the way you describe the character’s feelings. And the struggles, those experiences, the tough days allowing us to witness a writer’s growth. It’s based on your own experiences, right? But why did you write fiction, not an autobiography instead?”

“I’m glad you like it. And indeed, most of the parts were inspired by my own experiences. But, I think creating a new person allows me to endow her more things, which I hope I have but not really. Like some identities or achievements.”

“I’m curious about that. Could you be more specific?”

“Yes, sure. So, my character Xuwen, she had her doctoral degree in literary and rhetoric, published several best-seller books. I hope one day I could be like her.” Dian laughed sheepishly and continued, “but the most important thing I wanted is that she has found the meaning of being a bilingual writer, a balance between her mother tongue and English, and also found the real self, the inner self that has hidden deeply in her heart for a long time.”

“So, do you mean you haven’t found those?”

“I’m not sure. I could always feel the struggle like Xuwen did. But unlike her, I haven’t figured out a way to balance the two languages, the THIRD LANGUAGE like Xuwen acquired. I think I still need to learn and explore more. Besides, I would feel sometimes lost when I write. I think that’s because I don’t know what I really want, I’m not sure who I am.”

“I see. Is that why you named the book Between Words and Between Worlds? You hope to find a place between the two language that allows you master them both?”

“Yes. You could say that. But, I think I would never MASTER the languages, even if my mother language. The language is a means of communication and a means of transformation, which is above all for me as a writer. But it does help me success.” *

“I can tell. I couldn’t imagine me writing in another language. So, as you wrote in your book about Xuwen’s struggle with language, I believe you felt the same. Could you tell me more about the struggles you deal with when you write? And also, you said it helps you succeed. But if there any time you felt helpless, or are there disadvantages to being bilingual, writing in another language?”

“Well, that’s a lot. I will try to answer these questions altogether. Struggles are inevitable when I write. They are always there. And it’s true for all bilingual writers. Like, I still have trouble with beginnings, you know. Because of the language barriers, sometimes I have to resort to my mother language, whichever a language that piece will not be written in. But it makes it easier to start a new piece. And always, at that time, I would feel that the language fails me. I’m like a traveler between languages or between different lands, and there’s no inhabit place for me. I have to bear the tortured searching for self and a place allowing me to settle down.”

“It sounds daunting.”

 “Yes, it is. Being a traveler, or adventurer between the languages means you have to face numerous challenges. The issues of identity, of existential anguish, of choices, or of the tortured, all of them are inevitable. Sometimes it takes a lifetime, and sometimes it will never be completed. I think it might be the biggest dilemma of being a bilingual writer. And it may have come at a price. Let’s say after you acquire the second tongue, you would find that the ‘naturalness’ of the first got destroyed, or the SELF you used to be got destroyed.” *

 “But, what if it’s an advantage? I mean, you got two languages. You have words more than others to say. It seems like strength, for me.”

“Uh-huh, maybe. Being bilingual, we may have a better chance of saying what we want to say, a better chance of getting where we want to go, or at least a second chance of succeeding. But, we also lost a lot.” *

“I agree with that. I remembered that the bilingual writer Nancy Huston once said that bilingualism is an endless source of intellectual stimulation. I can tell it from your book. You have thoughts.”

“Thank you, Stephanie. I do feel that being bilingual, and writing in different language make me view the world from different perspectives. I’m a soul with different worldviews. It’s pretty cool, isn’t it?”

“It is! Well, it doesn’t sound like what you’ve said earlier. I think you know exact what you want and WHO YOU REALLY ARE.”

“Really? I don’t know. Probably. Maybe it’s like what you said. Maybe I’m just refusing to admit it like I always do.” Dian shrugged her shoulders and said, “that reminded me what Sylvia Molly described. She said that the works of bilingual writers as ‘always altered never ‘disaltered,’ always thirsty, always wanting, never satisfied.’ Or maybe I enjoy the sense of uncertainty and the process of searching something. I never satisfied when I write.” *

“Now, I’m sure you know it.”

“Maybe, who knows?” Both of them laughed out. 

“Thank you so much for coming today, Dian. I really enjoy talking with you. I’m looking forward to reading more books by you in the future.”

“Thank you. I’m working on some new stories. Hope they could come out to meet my readers soon.”

Coming out from the building, Dian never felt so best before. The World seems brighter. 

•••

The tree almost lost all the leaves. “Such a lovely afternoon,” Dian thought. Breezes fondle her face, gentle like mother’s hands. She is sitting on the terrace, humming some tunes. And her figures dancing on the keyboard briskly.

“How was your interview today? You seemed really happy.” Came back from the supermarket, Steve saw Dian sitting on the chair with a delighted smile on her face, which infected him as well.

“It was really good. Inspired, actually.” Dian looked up at Steve and smiled like a little girl finding her favorite missing toy.

Her words aroused Steve’s curiosity. “Really? Why said so?”

“Just realized something I’ve ignored for a long time.”

“Dian, you’re torturing me, just tell me what makes you so happy.” Steve gave her a puppy look.

“Okay, okay. I just realized that I am who I am. I might need to travel a lot between languages, or like other bilingual writers said, I’ve left the place I inhabit. I might have nowhere to go, but I could go everywhere I want. And, don’t judge me when I use my CHINESE MIND when I write in Chinese!”

Steve looked confused, but later a smile showed on his face. “Well, I’m not sure what you’re saying. But It sounds like something related to your writing practices. And I’m glad you realized that you should be yourself. I’m proud of you.”

LANGUAGES, for Dian, is like a boat that carrying her, her identities, her writing literacies, or her dreams sailing on the water. Sometimes, she might encounter the storm that overturns the boat, and sometimes the boat might bring her to a pleasant land. But it would never stop. Between words and between worlds, there might not be an inhabit place for Dian since she started her writing adventure, but she found a wonderland, in which she could be herself, express herself freely, and also continues her adventure of being a bilingual writer. She knows that she is still learning, and will always be learning until she dies. She knows that she would always be wanting, always thirsty, and would never be satisfied, and would never stop. It’s a life-long adventure, but she doesn’t regret it and would never do.    

_________________________________________________________________________

Note: I wrote this story for the English class I took last year. There still are places that I need to revise. Any comments are welcomed.

Resources: 

Counrtivron, I. (2003). Lives in translation: Bilingual writers on identity and creativity. New York: Palgrave Macmillan.

Djebar, A. (2003). Writing in the language of the other. In I. Counrtivron (Ed.), Lives in translation: Bilingual writers on identity and creativity. New York: Palgrave Macmillan.

Huston, N. (2003). The mask and the pen. In I. Counrtivron (Ed.), Lives in translation: Bilingual writers on identity and creativity. New York: Palgrave Macmillan.

Li, X. (2007). Soul in exile: Identities of bilingual writers. Journal of Language, Identity, and Education, 6(4), 595-600.   

Molly, S. (2003). Bilingualism, writing, and the feeling of not quite being there. In I. Counrtivron (Ed.), Lives in translation: Bilingual writers on identity and creativity. New York: Palgrave Macmillan.

Tawada, Y. (2003). Writing in the web of words. In I. Counrtivron (Ed.), Lives in translation: Bilingual writers on identity and creativity. New York: Palgrave Macmillan.

Yu, N. (2003). Chinese metaphors of thinking. Cognitive Linguistics, 14(2/3), 141.

Zhang, D. (2016). Definiteness and the meaning reconstruction in English – Chinese translation. Babel, 62(3), 456-469.